I burn the bale of hay and grab the secret to immortality as it is burning. 

then I teliport all the way up to you and i open the secret of 
immortality and became 
immortal!!

So my elite unit of Penguin Navy Walrus's rise to the challenge. The navy walruses are the equivalent to navy SEALS in PenguinTopia. While half of the penguin military on the west coast of PenguinTopia may have been wiped out, that still leaves our inland based units, our penguin navy, our east-coast based units and our elite Navy Walrus's. These Navy Walrus's have already read the secret to immortality and are immortal. Therefore you cannot kill these elite penguins, your only chance of obtaining the secret to immortality, is to execute a brilliant, stealthy plan that involves getting past hundreds of penguin guards. There are guards located all around the east coast PenguinTopia main naval base and hundreds more inside protecting the secret to immortality. There are many submarines and ships surrounding the naval base with a surveylance team acting 24/7 to ensure the safety or the secret to mortality. The airforce is in the air 24/7 topped by many penguin sniper teams surrounding the base in the water camouflaged so well that you have no chance of spotting them without getting in range with sonar which is practically impossible with this elite navy. 

Upon leaving with the secret to immortality, you realise that I said my penguin army has already read it. Therefore they are immortal. The sinking of PenguinTopia has not killed my army. Upon realisation of the fact that you stole the 30 year old, rusting, un-armed yellow submarine rather than the elite naval submarines manned by the penguins, you attempt to make a get-away before our submarines can come for you. You are too late. The yellow submarine is shot, and is filling up with water. The submarine sinks to the bottom of the ocean and pressure builds up, fast. Eventually the yellow submarine is crushed under the force of the water and the secret to immortality, in it's safe is propelled up to the surface as planned by the emergency Secret to immorality protection system. As a result, my penguin navy quickly retrieves the secret to immortality and resorts to the north pole where they will begin the recovery of their nation. Meanwhile, you lay on the bottom of the ocean awaiting rescue from your almost completely crushed yellow submarine, you are also running out of oxygen, FAST.

You reverse time. Congrats, time repeats itself.
The same things happen.

I turn into and enderman then teleport inside of the vault, steal the STI (Secret to immortality),teleport out then tranform into the enderdragon and fly away leaving my enderman army on the ground to fight.
they think i was leaving them there to die so they shoot my wings off (OWW) and i fall to the ground.
So then i transform into Herobrine and scare the f**k out of anything that tries to take the STI or gets in my way.

>:)

I summon Chuck Norris, he taught the secret of Immortality everything it knows.  And as he built it up, he can tear it down

The secret to immortality is now gone from the universe